I Reminisce

Back in Da Day!



I remember when Burger King use to be Nathans.
Man! It was one of my favorite places.

When the diner would sing
From a jukebox machine
And it was full of familiar faces.
From the pins in my jeans
To the stitch pleated seams
And boys sneaked a peak at playboy magazines.
When skelly was the thing

And punch ball was the king
Sound of the Mr. Softy theme
Would send us all off to the races!
When it was quarter water drinks
And roller skating rinks.
It was pilot marker inks
And fat Gucci links,
When sewer caps use to be bases.
When Friday meant school was over soon
Early morn' Saturday cartoons
And they wouldn't serve warrants on Sunday afternoons
And graffiti filled my black book pages.
  
  When what was done was done
  When what happened; happened
  When fun was fun
  When laughing was laughing

We were kids in the hall
When life was a ball
As I know recall
It was when problems ..... really weren't problems at all!

Happy Anniversary !

Lucky 13

Over the years there are days that have become annual traditions, celebrations, family gatherings, birthdays, etc. Needless to say we have two marriage dates; one contractual December 11, 2006, the other sacramental March 20, 2010. Though both hold significance neither are as close to my heart as these days May 13^th and May 17^th. It was these two dates that have altered the course of my life for the better. And I wouldn’t exchange the worst day of my life in fear it would change my destiny and deprive me of the opportunity of spending my life with you.

First Kiss

May 13^th, 2000. Two beautiful young ladies and a 27 year old arrogant immature fool hopped into Anthony Rivera’s hooptie (no offense Boogie, it got us there and back brother) and drove to Six Flags Great Adventure. We laughed and bonded, two young hearts, freshman in college looking to make our mark. I was mesmerized by you; taken aback by your determination, self confidence and of course YOU WERE SEXY BABY! We did not have a care in the world and with every passing glance and bright smile I fell for you more. Looking back now, riding on the Ferris wheel was the moment when I fell in love with you. I hated Ferris wheels, I was scared; I tried not to show it but I knew, you knew. It was there in that first moment of shared intimacy and vulnerability that you won my heart.

HORSE n CARRIAGE

May 17^th, 2000. I dressed to the nines that night. The best suit and tie I ever owned; polished shoes, fresh cut and shave plus enough cologne to choke elephant. I had a plan girl…a surprise in my coat pocket that I knew would touch your soul; tickets to Disney’s Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast. I remembered you telling me in theater class how much you loved the animation version and new the words to all the songs. I was confident we would have a great time and surprise since the thought was we were going to see Aida for a class project. Little did we know it would ignite a love of theater and art that would spark our globetrotting adventures! You looked stunning, elegant and way out of my league. After the show we ate at the Olive Garden (I Didn’t know any better). I never enjoyed a meal so much! Then we strolled through Times Square and walked around the city, taking in the surroundings as if it was the first time I ever seen these streets. In many ways I was viewing the city for the first time; from a whole new perspective. Then…the horse and carriage ride. I messaged your feet to ease the pain from walking in those sexy heels. And that’s when I realized …you had fallen in love with me.

Love and Marriage

Our relationship began like a hurricane; fast and furious we fell madly in love and never looked back. Most of the people around us thought we were moving to quick; told us to slow it down. No one ever got to define our happiness but us. Now 13 years, 2 kids, two cars, 3 cats, 4 dogs and a house later I love you more than I ever did. Being at your side as you have accomplished so much has been a privilege. From Community college to St. Johns University and then a masters from Fordham University. Years of service to the needy and less fortunate.   

You are a caring and nurturing mother to the greatest gifts I have ever received. You have brought me closer to God and strengthened my faith. You have bore the brunt of my deepest frustrations and insecurities. And for that I am truly sorry!

You have given me self worth, focus, purpose and supported my ambitions when all others have forsaken them. I am imperfect in more ways than I care to admit. It is impossible to ever express through words, actions or economics the love and devotion I feel for you. Whatever life has in store for me, I know with you by my side we will overcome all obstacles in our way.

Thank you!

Your loving, devoted and loyal husband!

THE OUTSIDER

Searching for Caesar Sanchez.

In 2 Days, bags will be checked, screenings will be past and boarding will begin for a flight to Santiago, Dominican Republic; where a reunion with a man barely known, have rarely seen or spoken too and at most have spent 10 days together; will take place. Staring into the mirror this morning shaving grey hairs and noting the lines that have formed, the realization struck; I am far from the little boy and teenager who so eagerly needed mentoring and guidance through confusing years. And though the time for throwing the football around has past like so many other father son activities all boys absent a dad dream of experiencing, there is still time to share, bond, grow and love. At least that is what I tell myself …over and over again.

 

THIS JUNGLE WE CALL NYC

 There are no denials there has been this missing part that has eluded understanding for far too long; casting a shadow over my subconscious. Years of angst, resentments, feelings of abandonment and emotions that are beyond description.  They have manifested from the lack of a relationship and communication with my biological father. During the course of my journeys I have encountered and befriended many men such as myself. The Outsiders. The outcasts. The ones who were always searching for guidance in this jungle we call NYC. Perhaps that is why so many of us were drawn together, maybe that’s why we hold these Fathers Day’s gatherings so close to our hearts. To give our children the adoration we missed as kids, to stand together as fathers recognizing each others parental devotion and proudly saying

“I am going to be there for them; and my kids are

going to know there father loves them”.

    
     Together we acknowledge the involved fathering we give to our kids but never were fortunate enough to receive ourselves. Men of kindred philosophies, sent out to learn every lesson on our own, the HARD WAY!

  
    These commonalities have bonded us and brought us closer as we unified attempts to provide a foundation, supporting communities and family structure most of us have been deprived of. Sadly most of my brethren are of Hispanic decent, not all….but most! A pandemic that is now the responsibility of Generation X, the generation of latch key kids to cowboy up and mend the fences that so many of our fathers failed to do. To build, to construct with patience, compassion and forgiveness a connection for the betterment of our offspring; maybe they can be better grandparents if given the opportunity?

 

FRESH STARTS AND BRIGHT BEGINNINGS

 Deep down I always wondered how my father was doing. Was he alive? Healthy? Does he ever think about me? After countless searches with fruitless results, now I get to answer those questions. I get to see my father as a man, as a father myself for the first time since I can remember. So long I have a 20 year old sister I have never met. Who has been more inviting and generous then I could have ever imagined. And aunts, uncles and cousins who have embraced me so passionately it has brought me to tears on repeated occasions.

Those of you who know me…are aware of my documented past. Many of us carry heavy baggage and the thought of at this point in life trusting someone new is worrisome. To those who do not know me yet, please don’t let the trials and tribulations of my past cloud your judgment of my future.

I feel blessed to have the opportunity to reconcile with my father, my sister and an entire family I had thought lost only four weeks ago. Not many get this chance! That is why I will cherish these moments, with the thoughts of all the friends I have had the pleasure of knowing that share my dilemma. I am sensitive to the fact a generation has past for my father as well and that he might not want or need the same things I do in a relationship. But that is love…putting yourself out there and allowing the other person the chance to either hurt you or return the love.  

I am more nervous and scared now then I can ever remember being?

Holla @ ur boy if you feel me!