First Date: Do's and Don'ts for Dames

How Not To Date!
The do not’s that will lead to I do’s. Men are simple creatures, uncomplicated and easy to disseminate. A few dating tips on what not to do on a date and this chump will be hooked for life. Men love a gal who makes them appear more interesting than they really are in public. No cooking skills are necessary; they are a plus no question but not the deciding factor. Intelligence could be beneficial long term but in the infancy of relationships the dumber the better.

FORGET ABOUT THOSE TRUE RELIGION JEANS

Do not wear jeans. Yes, every boy had a crush on a tomboy at one time or another but that was at 12 years old. Nobody wants to get punched in the face trying to get to first base. Wear a dress. Not a prom dress, not a wedding gown and most certainly no mini-skirts, looking like a lady of the night could attract unwanted attention. No skorts. They were so cute in preschool and at cheerleader practices but the pedophile fantasy thing is sort of frowned upon in most civilized societies today. Wear a dress because nothing makes a man feel more like a man than sharing the company of a woman.

 NO FINGER FOODS


No finger foods. Resist the temptation to seem down to earth by ordering a cheeseburger or gyro. Eating with your hands is a bad impression waiting to happen. No mayonnaise please! It does not matter how cute those squiggly rainbow designed manicured nails look. Lay off the Buffalo wings and the dip, too. Last thing a guy needs is the entire restaurant staring at his date shoving anything more than an inch long down her throat. Before you know it some creep is using an I-Phone or Samsung to record the whole fiasco then instantly uploading it to YouTube or Facebook.com and before the soup gets cold the video goes viral; not the ideal path to celebrity.  Those Linda Lovelace skills can always be showcased privately at a more appropriate time and place. For God sake do not lick those fingertips clean. Pick up a napkin; it came with the table wrapped around utensils which should have rang the  first warning bell. Order the salad with vinaigrette and be done with it.

LESS IS MORE

Nobody likes a chatter box so zip it as much as possible. Nothing ruins a great outfit more than constant talking. Sometimes men enjoy gazing and thinking of the right things to say. In his mind; he is adding to the image he already created and it is always positive. Senseless conversation creates confusion and disintegrates  this image he is conjuring. It is always smart to have a zany handy if the urges to blabber are too strong to deny or he has reached his daily word limit. When medication is not an option, weep not fair maiden, there is still hope! Avoid these cardinal conversational topic taboos like the plague.

 
MARRIAGE ! REALLY?   ON FIRST DATES 

No wedding talk.  Commitment is too much pressure for a superman to handle until 3 years into a relationship.  He probably had no idea what to order for dinner. Questions of offspring will have him running for the exit and into a taxi-cab before dessert is served. Find out if he is responsible in other aspects of life and how he treats his mother and sisters’; that will address those concerns.



What's Your Man Got To Do With Me?

Lay off the ex-boyfriend talk. Obviously things did not go well or this date would not be happening. He is not interested in former lovers’ bank accounts, fancy car, house or his cool salt water fish tank. There are only four things on his mind:
  
What to order? 
Do I have enough money?
Check Please! 
His place, yours’ or a hotel? 

 Luckily, even if all these do not’s are done there is still an opportunity to turn this sinking Titanic into the Jolly Roger. He may not be that into her, he knew 20 minutes in she was not the one but he still wants to score. For what is love to a man anyway? Truth is most men do not have any standards and will sit thru a disaster for a chance to bump and grind.

Good Hunting!